The List Of Canadians That DON'T Suck

Disclamer:
Ok, before you all flip out and start thinking that I hate all Canadians, let me tell you that I don't. This list is supposed to be funny, I have nothing against Canada or it's citizens, in fact I was gonna start a list of Americans that DID suck, but the list would just be WAYYYYY to long. If you are Canadian,or know a Canadian that's cool, and you think that you or they don't suck and want to be added to the list, send me an email and plead your case.

The members of Kittie
Jane (from the Zombie board)
Sean (sometimes on the Zombie board)
Tess (email buddy, yay!)
The memebers of Econoline Crush
Chris Jerico
Tom Green
Alanis Morissett
Mike Meyers
The members of Our Lady Peace
The members of Rumsfeild
Sonya a.k.a. Dradee (another Zombie board buddy)
Kris a.k.a. FN-huge-K (yet another Zombie board buddy)
Dan Akroid (sp?)
Robin Williams
John Candy (R.I.P.)
Rick Moranis
The members of Corky And The Juice Pigs
Terrance and Phillip (I know, they're fictional, but they still kick ass!)
Chris Benoit
Any Canadian Juggalo

I'll be adding more people as I find more un-sucky Canadians, so untill then, this is the list. Deal with it!

Da List, Tripple Trouble Style

The idea for "Da List" origonated with the KiTTiE home video, "Spit In Your Eye". Well, Promethius, Bob, and myself, the three people who make up "Tripple Trouble", all decided that it would be fun to make our own version of "Da List". So here it is! Follow the link below to see KiTTiE's "Da List".

KiTTiE's "Da List"

1. Bob is a detachable hooker
2. When all else fails, point and laugh!
3. Mr. Damy
4. Herbert the frog
5. Cheese!!!
6. I'm goin to lick this pudding
7. Now with moist crunchy bits!
8. I am moist!
9. Fuck, fuck, fuckidy, fuck, fuck ,fuck!
10. Beware the thong!
11. You intergalatic hussy!
12. You got a problem wit it, bitch?!?!?
13. Ok, thats it! The icecream man dies!
14. Why in the hell is he called "Silent Bob" anyways?!?!?
15. He is silent, therefore he is Bob!
16. Vanilla frosting
17. My ass tempts him
18. The kid in the helmet, lookit him!
19. Dude, why are we walking like this?
20. Monkey Poo!
21. Damn you and all your doughnutty goodness!
22. I am a windmill!
23. No soup for you!
24. Big American party!
25. My pantleg is wrinkled, kinda like your skirt
26. Nappy, poopie stuff
27. Can Wang
28. I said cheese!
29. Big man, little man, big man, little man, ect...
30. Apple Tree!
31. Mmmmm. I like turkey!
32. The moose is loose on the field!
33. The slut-whore has gonna-siffa-herple-aids

50 Fun Things To Do At K-Mart, Wal-Mart, etc.

1.Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2.Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4.Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5.Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6.Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7.Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8.Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9.When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
10.Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11.Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".
12.Play with the automatic doors.
13.Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14.While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crud, anyway?"
15.Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16.Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
17.Follow people through the aisles,always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
18.Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19.As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20.Put M&M's on layaway.
21.Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22.Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23.Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
24.Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25.Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
26.TP as much of the store as possible.
27.Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28.Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
29.When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30.When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
31.Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples
here?"
32.Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33.Take bets on the battle described above.
34.Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
35.While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36.Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37.Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission:Impossible."
38.Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39.Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40.Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
41.Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42.Two words: "Marco Polo."
43.Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc.
44."Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
45.In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
46.When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47.Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48.When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
49.Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50.Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

40 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
4. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
5. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
6. Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.
7. Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe. Mutter something about how
husbands/wives always come home early just when it's getting to the good part.
8. As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I said down, dammit!"
9. Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
14. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
15. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
16. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
17. Meow occasionally.
18. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
19. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
20. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
21. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
22. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
23. Leave a box between the doors.
24. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
25. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
26. Start a sing-along.
27. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
28. Lean against the button panel.
29. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
30. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
31. Bring a chair along.
32. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
33. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
34. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
35. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
36. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
37. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
38. Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aaughh! Get them off!"
39. Challenge your neighbor to a "Tic-Tac-Toe" tournament.
40. Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away.

LIST OF POSSIBLE SLOGANS PROMOTING NATIONAL CONDOM WEEK

1. COVER YOUR STUMP BEFORE U HUMP
2. BEFORE U ATTACK HER, WRAP YR WHACKER
3. DON'T BE SILLY, PROTECT YR WILLY
4. WHEN IN DOUBT, SHROUD YR SPOUT
5. DON'T BE A LONER, COVER YR BONER
6. YOU CANT GO WRONG, IF U SHIELD YR DONG
7. IF YOU'RE NOT GOIN TO SACK IT, GO HOME AND WHACK IT.
8. IF U THINK SHE'S SPUNKY, COVER YR MONKEY
9. IF U SLIP BETWEEN HER THIGHS, BE SURE TO CONDOMIZE
10. IT WILL BE SWEETER IF U WRAP YR PETER
11. SHE WONT GET SICK IF U WRAP YR DICK
12. IF U GO IN TO HEAT, PACKAGE YR MEAT
13. WHILE YR UNDRESSING VENUS, DRESS UP YR PENIS
14. WHEN U TAKE OFF HER PANTS AND BLOUSE, SLIP UP YR TROUSER
MOUSE
15. ESPECIALLY IN DECEMBER, GIFT WRAPYR MEMBER
16. NEVER,NEVER DECK HER WITH AN UNWRAPPED PECKER
17. DONT BE A FOOL, VULCANIZE YR TOOL
18. THE RIGHT SELECTION WILL PROTECT YR ERECTION
19. WRAP IT IN FOIL BEFORE CHECKING HER OIL
20. A CRANK WITH ARMOR WILL NEVER HARM HER
21. NO GLOVE, NO LOVE!

The Canadian Kilted Yacksmen Anthem
~From The Ren And Stimpy Show~ (sung to the tune of My Country Tis Of Thee)
Our country reeks of trees
Our yacks are really large
And they smell like rotting beef carcases
And we have to clean up after them
And our sattle sores are the best
We proudly wear women's clothing
And searing sand blows up our skirts
And the buzzard, they fly overhead
And posiones snakes will devor us whole
Our bones will bleach in the sun
And we will probably go to hell
And that is our great reward
For being the ro-y-al
CANADIAN KILTED YACKSMEN!

The List Of Words (and Names) That Are Fun To Say

19 Things To Do In A Bathroom Stall

1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function.
4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh NO!! My glass eye!!"
6. Say "Dang, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Hummus. Reminds me of hummus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,"Whoa! Easy boy!!"
11. Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?
13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep
14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
15. Say, "Dang, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
16. Strum a well known song on your butt cheeks over and over again.
17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down a "Cross-Dressers Anonymous "newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say,"Peek-a-boo!"
19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"

64 Ways to Piss off Cops

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no
blood in
my alcohol?"
2. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.
3. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.
4. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my
speedometer
only goes to......
5. Touch him.
6. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.
7. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
8. Refer to him by his first name.
9. Pretend you are gay and ask him out.
10. When he says no, cry.
11. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.
12. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.
13. If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself
on
the hood.
14. When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don't go that way.
15. When he puts the handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dinner
first"
16. Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause you don't like ink on
your
fingers.
17. After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops! That's the
wrong
name."
18. Bribe him with donuts, and when he agrees, tell him sorry, I just
ate the
last one.
19. When he comes up to the car, say "License and registration, please"
right
when he says it.
20. When he goes to read you your rights, sing "La La La, I can't hear
you!"
21. Trip and fall into him.
22. Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes you away.
23. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with
his
pen.
24. Chew on the pen, nervously.
25. Clean your ear with the pen.
26. If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.
27. Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name
sounded
familiar.....
28. Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how
the
plumbing was.
29. Act like you are retarded.
30. When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him,
quietly.
31. Or mumble to yourself.
32. When he tells you to stop, say what are you talkin about, DUDE?
33. Drive to Dunkin Donuts and say hmmm....only 5 of you here
tonight.......
34. Ask if they know how to make the donuts..
35. When he comes to the car, say I have a badge just like yours!
36. Ask if he watches Cops.
37. Ask if ever watched Cop Rock.
38. Giggle if he did.
39. Talk to your hand.
40. Ask if he knows somone named Rosy Palm and her Five Favorite
Friends.
41. Accuse him of Sexual Harassment if he does.
42. When he frisks you, say You missed a spot, and grin.
43. When he asks to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in my
car, sir,
the last cop got it.
44. Try to sell him your car.
45. Ask if you can buy his car.
46. If he takes you to the station, Ask to sit in front.
47. Play with the siren.
48. If you know him, say you had his wife for dinner.
49. If you don't know him, ask if you can have his wife for dinner.
50. Oops...I meant OVER for dinner.
51. Ask if he ever had pu-tang.
52. If he asks what it is, point at him and giggle.
53. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues.
54. When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him and laugh.
55. When you are in the back, touch his neck through the fencing.
56. Turn your head and whistle.
57. When he pulls out his night stick, say what you gonna do with that.
58. If you are female, say I don't do that on the first date.
59. If he sticks you in the back of the car, cower in the corner, suck
your
thumb, and whine.
60. Ask if you can see his gun.
61. When he says you aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if
mine
was bigger.
62. Stare at his lights and say "Look at the pretty colors!"
63. Tell him you like men in uniform.
64. Ask if you can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party.

30 Ways To Handle Stress

1. Jam 39 tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out
2. Use your Mastercard to pay your visa.
3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on
4. When someone says "have a nice day" tell them you have other plans.
5. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
6. Forget the Diet Center and send yourself a candygram.
7. Make a list of things of things that you've already done.
8. Dance naked in front of your pets.
9. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send them off to preschool as if nothing was wrong.
10. Retaliate for tax woes by filling out your tax forms with Roman numerals.
11. Tattoo "out to lunch" on your forehead.
12. Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch them from high places.
13. Leaf through National Geographic and draw underwear on the natives.
14. Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.
15. Buy a subscription to Sleezoid Weekly and send it to your boss' wife.
16. Pay your electric bill in pennies.
17. Drive to work in reverse.
18. Relax by mentally reflecting on your favorite episode of the "Flintstones" during that important finance meeting.
19. Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg.
20. Refresh yourself. Put your tongue on a cold steel guardrail.
21. Tell your boss to blow it out a his mule and let him figure it out.
22. Polish your car with ear wax.
23. Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.
24. Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.
25. Bill your doctor for the time spent in his waiting room.
26. Braid the hairs in each nostril.
27. Write a short story; using alphabet soup.
28. Lie on your back eating celery....using your navel as a salt dipper.
29. Stare at people through the lines of a fork and pretend they're in jail.
30. Make up a language and ask people for directions.

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